#104 The Cost of Kite Dreams
Updated: Dec 7, 2019
UGLY BUSINESS PODCAST - EPISODE 104
Thanks for investing your time and energy here with me today. I appreciate you and I appreciate your time.
So today I want to talk about dreams! I want to talk about dreams. I was just talking to a friend of mine just the other day and we were talking about interpreting dreams. Like when you dream, you have these certain objects that appear in your dream and supposedly they all represent something. And so we were talking about this idea of interpreting dreams. And I'm a pretty logical guy, right? I tend to call things how I see them. I'm pretty logical in that way. And I dive into the intangibles from time to time. I mean, most of you that have been listening to my content for a while, know that I do believe in the idea that we are more than just physical beings. I believe we're spiritual beings gifted with this intellect and we operate in a physical body.
To me that is logical. It makes perfect sense to me.
But I also love talking about different perspectives on a bunch of different types of things - and how those different perspectives can play a part in life and in business.
Some of them I buy into, some of them I don't. And so I'm always engaged in these different kinds of conversations. And somehow my friend and I started talking about interpreting dreams and what all that means.
And we we started talking about kites, kites and dreams. And so as we started talking about kite dreams and what all of that means, my friend started telling me how if you see a kite in your dream, it may be an indication of freedom or accomplishment. And so I thought that was really neat and we talked about that for a little bit and all the different things. But all the different things that go along with that. But the word kite dream just stuck in my brain. And immediately when he said kite dream, everything just kind of came together in this image with me. And I, I wanted to talk about it here with you guys today because it's totally different than where our conversation first started going. And so, we started talking about these kite dreams and, and listen, when it comes to interpreting dreams, I don't know if it's true or not. I don't know how legitimate all of that stuff is, but I always listen to it.
But when I heard the word "kite dream", I immediately thought of something totally different. When it comes down to life and in business (especially a coaching business), it just stuck in my mind..... a different definition of what a kite dream. A more tangible type definition.
And so I see kite dream as the type of dream that the further away it gets, the more difficult it becomes to manage. I see it as a metaphor for a tangible dream that you may have in your life.
Those of you who have ever flown a kite, or if you can just imagine flying a kite, once you get it started, it's kind of easy to manage. And then as it gets further and further away, it becomes increasingly difficult to navigate. And sometimes depending on the day, the kite can get so far away from you, you can barely see it. Right? And so when it gets up that high, you have very little control over directing it. I mean it takes big, huge movements on the ground level to get that kite to do what you want... once it gets up to a certain altitude, right?
And when I started thinking about it this way, I started to think about back, way back in the day when I first started studying Brazilian jujitsu. And I guess it wasn't that long ago. This was maybe 10 or 15 years ago. I've always been involved in the martial arts in one form of another, just kind of dabbling in different forms. And it was just something that I've always been interested in. I've always watched it on TV. I've always participated in one way or the other. I've never been an expert in it, but it's something I always had interest in. I always thought it was kind of fun, and so I remember I decided that I was going to start studying Brazilian jujitsu.
I was very interested in it and it was just starting to become popular where I'm from here in Northwestern Pennsylvania. And it was really one of the best things I could have ever done. I remember the class was in this little room that the instructor rented. I mean it was hot, and crowded....They had these mats down on the ground. There might've been 10 to 20 people in there at a time. And it just took me way back to high school gym days, the smell of the mats and all of that stuff. But it was awesome.
And I just remember being in there and once we got started, I just remember it being so difficult just kind of getting in shape and the movement. I mean I was an older. I was a lot older and things were getting a little bit more difficult. And jujitsu, one of the reasons why I wanted to take it is because normally age isn't as much of a factor in jujitsu, which is like submission, grappling or submission, wrestling. And it's all based on this idea of movement and just shifting weight and using what your opponent gives you in order to get the other person in submission holds. And typically because of the form of this particular type of martial arts, age isn't too much of a factor. I mean, you can be in your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, the inventor, for lack of a better word, of Brazilian jujitsu was quite old when he started it.
And the reason why he started it was because he wanted a martial arts where strength and speed wasn't the end-all-be all. And so he created Brazilian jujitsu. And I don't want to go into a long story about Brazilian jujitsu, but the age isn't usually a factor.
But I remember it took me so long to get used to the work because I was getting older and it had just been awhile since I had done anything that physical.
And so when I think of kite dreams, I think of how I really wanted to be good. I wondered if I could be a black belt in Brazilian jujitsu. And I just started thinking, man, at this age, can I do it? And the short answer was yes, absolutely. I could do it. I could do the work. I wouldn't be the only one in the world to start at that age. I think I was maybe 35 at the time. I wouldn't be the only one at that age to work their way up the belt system.
And I didn't end up doing it, but I often think of that like a kite dream. I think of Brazilian jujitsu because had I come to that revelation sooner.... had I started a little bit sooner, the odds are I would have gone ahead and done it. I could do it at age 30, 35, 40. I could do it. But I knew that if I would've started it 10 years prior, I probably would have done it. I would have achieved it.
So when I think of getting a black belt in Brazilian Jujitsu, I think of that as a kite dream. The further away I let it drift from me, the further away it got, the harder I knew it was going to be for me to manage once I made the decision to do it.
And when it comes to business and entrepreneurship... I typically hear two different things, and I think we conflate these two things together. And I'm not sure what your goal is. I'm not sure what it is that you're looking to do, but I know this, I know that we often confuse or conflate these two different ideas. And I hear it all the time and neither one of them is really wrong. But I think if we look at these two things from the wrong perspective, I think we can kind of get ourselves in a jam. And I don't want that to happen to you. And so one of the things that we often say to ourselves is, it's never too late. It's never too late. And that's true. It is never too late. It's never too late to chase your dreams. There's a long list... a long list of people who achieved great things late in age. I think of Samuel L. Jackson, who's one of my favorite actors. For those of you who have been around me for a while. You know I'm a Pulp Fiction guy. I love that movie. I've seen it... I don't even know how many times. I love me some Samuel L. Jackson. But he was in a movie called Jungle Fever back when he was 47-years-old and that was really his first gig. That was really his first breakout moment at the age of 47. Vera Wang, the fashion designer, was a figure skater and a journalist until she was like 40, and now she's a fashion icon, right?
For those of you who may have seen the movie Julie and Julia that was about Julia Child. Well, when did she publish her first cookbook? I think it was at the age of like 50. So I think it's absolutely true that when we say, "it's never too late". That's true. But what do we also hear people say all the time?
"Now's the time."
"Go for your dreams."
So how do we take these two different things and say, "It's never too late. You have time."which kind of insinuates that it's okay if you don't start now, right?
We are saying "It's never going to be too late. You can start later. Look at all these famous people who started later", right?
And we also have this other perspective that says, "No, NOW is the time."
So what do we do? Do we go ahead and take the plunge?
If you are looking to start your business... if you're starting a coaching business, a consulting business, whatever your business may be as an entrepreneur, are you waiting - knowing that there's going to be time or thinking that there's going to be time? Are you waiting for the perfect moment? Understanding that you can do it later and that it's never too late.
I think it's important in order to kind of put these two things together - this idea that it's never too late and the idea that the time is now...we have to adopt a different perspective on the matter. I think it's important to understand the cost of kite dreams because they do have a cost, and particularly I'm talking about the opportunity cost of kite dreams.
Now, I don't know what your background is. I don't know what you've studied or the courses that you've taken, or what kind of experience that you have. I just don't know.
And I don't know if you know all the business jargon or not. And I think sometimes we kind of get into the business vocabulary and it gets way too over complicated, way more complicated than I think it needs to be. But there is this term called opportunity costs and I think it's very much applicable to kite dreams.
And so, I just want to talk to you about this opportunity cost of kite dreams.
An opportunity costs is simply the benefit that's missed or given up when we choose to do something else. And I want to say it again because I think it's so important. It's the opportunity cost is the benefit that's missed or given up when we choose to do something else, we're choosing to incur the cost, we're choosing to miss a benefit, and it is, without a doubt - a choice.
"An opportunity costs is simply the benefit that's missed or given up when we choose to do something else."
A lot of times I think we don't think about it that way - as a benefit missed. We kind of think of it as a benefit delayed or a benefit that you'll get later down the road. But it is a benefit missed. If I want to do something today and I decide that I'm not going to do it tomorrow, there's a benefit that's missed. I remember, and some of you remember this about my origin story - I worked in the manufacturing environment and long story short, there came a period of time where I became well aware that I wanted to go out on my own, and I wanted to put my hat in the entrepreneurship ring, so to speak.
And it wasn't this idea of the "grass is always greener". It wasn't this thing where I had just "had it up to here" with what I was doing and wanted to just get out of there and escape and get to someplace else. That wasn't it. It was something intuitive. And I don't think I really knew it at the time. I can't really explain it, but it was the opportunity cost.
I knew that ... and I always hesitate, I always hesitate to use this word, so I hope you're going to forgive me, but I knew I was destined to do something else. And the reason why I don't use the word destined is because we have to play our part in the destiny. Don't we? "Destined" just seems like it's automatic....like it was going to happen whether or not I did my part, and so I don't want to confuse it, but I felt as though I was destined, for lack of a better word, to be doing something else.
And every day I woke up, I could kind of feel this payment that I was making. It was this incurring cost. I was paying it every single day and I felt it. It was the opportunity cost. I think that every time, every day, every moment that you're doing something other than your calling. You're living at an opportunity deficit. You're paying out more in opportunity costs than you're gaining from what you're currently doing.
Every day that kite drifts away from you, every time that that opportunity drifts further and further away. It becomes more difficult to manage once you do make that decision....and each increment is a cost to you.
You're taking on a cost of of time. The time between now and whenever you make the decision to follow that dream. That's a cost of time..... and it's the most precious thing because you can never get it back. We pay an opportunity cost in the way of energy. All energy has to be expressed. And when we wake up and we realize that we're not doing what we feel we should be doing - we're not doing what our calling is - that creates a certain energy. And it gets expressed in a whole bunch of different ways. It gets expressed in the way that we deal with other people, it gets expressed in the way that we think about ourselves and the way that we feel about ourselves, which triggers certain behaviors and we start to get down. And we get in a bad place or maybe a less effective place. We pay a learning cost. I say it all the time. The faster we can fail, the better. No matter what that dream is, on your way to it, you have some failing to do.
I was just in a discussion on an online forum not too long ago and I can't remember for the life of me, this person's name. Probably shouldn't share it anyways, but she got on the form and she was like, "Help! I just had my first live event and only one person out of 20 people showed up. Should I have canceled it?" And that's a whole other thing. The short answer is, no....But, nobody showed up, and everybody was consoling her and telling her everything was going to be fine. And my response was simply, congratulations!!. You got that out of the way, because it happens to everybody. And you got it out of the way. So, good. That's a failure.... check! It's out of the way. Now you can move on and learn that lesson and go on to the next one.
The faster we can fail, the better. No matter what that dream is, on your way to it, you have some failing to do.
Fail fast. Every failure brings on the grandest of learning opportunities and you're going to fail. So the quicker you do something, the quicker you learn from it, right?
The longer you wait, you're prolonging that learning experience. And some of you, you may be thinking, "yes, Kevin, I understand, but you know what? It's just not a good time. It's not a good time to start my coaching program. It's not a good time to start my consulting program."
And, hey, it's never a good time. And that's just the response that I believe in. That's the response from my experience is true. There is never, never a good time. And there's a perfectly logical reason why there's never a good time.
And that's because everything, everything is in a state of change. Everything has its own vibrational frequency and everything in this world from the table that this microphone I'm using right now is sitting on, to the cells in my skin - everything is all vibrating at a different rate.
Everything is changing all of the time. So if you're waiting for the perfect time to do anything, you're going to be waiting forever. Why? Because it's a moving target. Time is always moving. Circumstances are always changing. The environment around us is always shifting. Our vibrations, emotions, feelings and behaviors are always in constant flow. So whatever you're envisioning in your head right now today as being the perfect time, you aren't going to get to that place.
Waiting for the right time to start your coaching business is like trying to hit a moving target - while you're moving as well.
And finally, I guess the last thing I want to say on this particular topic is, and again, for those of you who have been following some of my stuff for awhile, you know that my perspective is that success is a sequence. It's not a place.
Ask any successful person that you know - and maybe this is a challenge for you guys, right? Ask any successful person you know, when the day was that they got successful?
They'll probably look at you like, "what are you talking about?"
Because there is no such day. Success is a sequence. It's a constant movement. And that's why momentum matters so much.
So if you're waiting on the right time to come - that's not going to happen, because everything's changing. If you're waiting for the resources, don't. I tell people all the time, you have the resources right now.
"Kevin, what do you mean? What do you mean I have the resources right now? I am broke."
I can empathize, because as you guys all know I have been broke. What do I mean when I say you have the resources? I mean you have the resources to take the next step. You have the resources to do the next thing, whatever that may be. And you know what the next step is. It may be simply picking up the phone.
I remember the first high-end coaching mastermind program I ever joined. I didn't know if I could be in it. It was very expensive. I didn't meet the revenue requirements at that given time.
And I could have just said, "Well, I'll wait until somehow I can meet those revenue limits. And I can sit at the quote unquote big boys table." Or technically, the adults table (there were several very successful women in the group as well). So I say that figuratively speaking, of course. But I just remembered thinking that one day I'll be in that group and I can learn from those people how to achieve the success that they've achieved, which was really the right thing to do. I just defined success a little bit off. But instead of just waiting, I just picked up the phone and called. Now I didn't know how that call was going to turn out. I just picked up the phone. Next thing I knew, it was kind of an out of body experience. I was talking to somebody and then I got a call back like a week later saying that there was a spot open and if I still wanted to fill it, I could.
And the next thing you know I was in. And I was in that mastermind group for a very long time. And things like that happen. It's just incremental. You just do one thing, you take one step.
Success is a sequence. It's a sequence of events. And it all starts by taking a step.
So if you're waiting on the right resources, believe me, you have the resources right now to take a step.
I don't know what that step is, but you do. And some of you, if you're thinking, yeah but, Kevin, and I can almost hear you thinking it....
"Kevin, what's the use of taking that step when I know I can't do anything after that?"
That's interesting. We don't know what's after that. Remember, it's a moving target. We can't assume that failure's right around the corner or a roadblock is right around the corner.
That step may enlighten you to five other steps that you could take, but you'll never know unless you do it. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be for you to manage to achieve what it is that you want to achieve. Because you have to pull the kite back in. I know a lot of you are probably thinking, I'm not sure how I'm going to do that. I don't know how I'm going to take the next step. Don't worry about the how. Just take a step.
The how will unfold, make the decision and then the how will appear in front of you. I always, and you've probably heard me, you've probably heard me say this as well...
"Do the thing". Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Do the thing and you'll have the power. But those who do the thing not shall not have the power." What does that mean? Why do I say it all the time? The people that are coached by me hear me say that all the time. I even got shirts made that says, "Do the thing." Why? What does that mean? It means that if you're letting your kite drift then you have no power.
Think of what happens when do the thing you fear doing...whatever that thing may be - and you fail, or it doesn't work as much as you had wanted it to. Or maybe the outcome was a little bit different than you anticipated. You nevertheless have the power of compensation - you inherently received something for your efforts. You have the power. You have a world of knowledge that you didn't have prior to that, that you can take with you. When you "do the thing" You have a result. You have a result that you can bring to the table and maybe share with somebody else, who can help or chime in on what you could do next or what you could do different.
You have an experience that you can reflect upon and say, "That didn't go so well. Maybe I need to do X, Y, or Z."
You have a failure that you can grow from. Which means it's not really a failure, is it?
But what if you don't? What if you don't do the thing? What do you have? You have a bucket full of "shoulda". You have no results to reflect upon. You're just as clueless about how and what it takes to achieve your dream than you were the day before.
You've gained zero.
Do the thing and you will have the power. But those who do the thing not have no power. That's why knowledge is not power. It just isn't. We've been fooled over time to think that. Knowledge is not power.
One of my long time mentors, John C Maxwell says that all the time....knowledge is not power. Only reflected upon, and acted upon knowledge is power. In other words, do the thing have the power. That's where you get the true power from.
Do the thing and you will have the power. But those who do the thing not have no power.
And this is true for any entrepreneur out there, you have to do to get. It is the Law of Compensation.
Now, for those of you who are coaches and consultants and you're thinking about starting your own coaching business or consulting business or service based business or professional information business, whatever it is that you're considering doing, you've got to take a step.
And I invite all of you, if you haven't done that yet and you don't know if that's for you, then I invite all of you to check out my Master Class. It doesn't cost anything. So YES...you have all the resources that you need right now to check that out and it's all the information you need to get yourself started and moved in the right direction.
But whether you do that or don't do that, don't stand still.
If you're waiting for the right time, it's not going to be.
If you're waiting for the right resources, you already have them.
Don't keep living in an opportunity cost deficit. The cost of a kite dream is big. For those of you who think right now that it may be too late, remember what we talked about. It's not.
It's not too late, but don't use that as a crutch to wait even more. Use that as a launch pad to move now because it's not too late. All right, so if you're wondering what you need to do next, check out the free master class.
I hope that you'll check it out. There's no cost for it. It's free and it'll give you all the information you need to either get started - or if you have a coaching program already or a consulting program already, I guarantee you there's information in it that will help you out.
CHECK OUT THE MASTERCLASS HERE! Think of your kite dream. Think of what it is, and think of what you're going to do next.
Success is a sequence.
Okay, so that's what I want you to do this week.
What is that one step? Don't think about step five, six, seven or eight. Think about step one. What is it?
Start gaining some momentum in that direction.
Okay, I will talk to you later. I hope you have a good one. It's been a pleasure. Thanks for spending your time and energy with me. I will talk to you soon.
Have a great day. Do The Thing