#112 Your Success Is Beyond Reason
Updated: Apr 21
UGLY BUSINESS PODCAST EPISODE 112
Hey everyone thanks for joining me….
Before we dive in to today’s episode...i’d like to ask you to rate and share this podcast!
Not for vanity, but for value…. There’s people out there that need to hear what I’m saying today…. And the only way we get out there is when you like and share it with others.
So, I know its EASY to not do that…. But it’s much more kinds to make that happen...so please do that….OK….
Today….I’d like to share with you a take on something very interesting. For those who have gotten you hands on the Power Principles program I put together a whie back...this should be at least a little bit familiar to you.
For some of you what I’m talking about will sound a bit counterintuitive. But I promise you, if you lean into this...it can change everything for you….I know it did for me.
...and really….that’s why I love when you share these episodes...because I only share those things that I know have made HUGE shifts in my world...and I know they can do the same for whoever is on the other end of this.
And today...I’m talking about one of these Freedom Factors. Now all of the Freedom Factors are tools that we all have access to in unlimited quantity.
And guys...have you ever heard someone…. Like a coach or somebody say something like…. “You are perfectly resources to get whatever you want in life” or….
“You don’t need anything more that what you have right now”....
Have you ever heard anyone say that???
If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard it…..and perhaps thought… “Yeah, right… I have all I need. Well… I’m looking around….and I don’t see it” hahahaha.
Well the reason we as coaches say that, is because on some level, we know that everyone has these tools. These Freedom Factors….and again….we have unlimited access to them…
So it’s true...we do have everything we need right now
Now much of the time, we use them incorrectly and so we don’t get the results we need….but when we understand what they are and we learn how to harness them...thing change….and fast.
Now...let’s keep things real here…. I don’t know what you want out of life
I don’t know what you want from your business
I don’t know if you just want to sleep easy at night, if you just want to put your kids in college and travel, or if you want the yacht on the mediterranean.
I don’t know….. But I do know this...
I know that our outcomes are dependent on the way we think.
And the way we think is dependent on our effective use of our mental resources or these freedom factors.
So again, today we’re talking about REASON.
Now, I’m sure you’ve heard term reasons, or reasonable, or reasoning….right?
And this thing we call reason really drives the way we think.
Reason is how you look at ideas and you hold them up against your current beliefs.
Now you’ve probably heard me talk about the two mechanisms or parts of mindset – the conscious mind (which I call the thinking mind) and the other-than-conscious mind (or the non-thinking mind)…..the thinking part and the non-thinking part….conscious and unconscious.
The thinking part of your mind can choose to accept a new idea or it can reject that new idea. And we do this all the time don’t we?
….I mean, I think that makes sense to most people, right? I mean look at the course of your day… and some things you do, you have to think about... while other things you do without even giving it a thought...LITERALLY without giving it a thought.
But you probably don’t give too much thought to WHY we might accept an idea or WHY we might reject an idea LITERALLY without thought, right?
And listen….if you haven’t had the time to see the the video I did on youtube a while back about how the minds works, please do that when yo ucan. It’ll help reinforce what I’m saying here.….but stick with me...now I want you to think about this part of our mind….the thinking mind….
...this part of our mind – the thinking mind or conscious mind – accepts or rejects ideas, again while the non-thinking mind ONLY accepts ideas. It does this of efficiency, so we don’t have to think about breathing...we just accept that we have to do it….we don’t think about tying our shoes a certain way...we don’t have to think about everything that goes into riding a bike...etc. But again...the thinking mind accepts or rejects...there’s a process there.
But the thinking mind sort of looks towards the subconscious mind for guidance because that’s were our belief system lives. We don’t wake up every morning and think about our belief system...it’s just there. Ans so our thinking mind, when accepting and rejecting ideas checks in with our belief system.
You see, when we use reason, what we are really doing is using information we have, or ideas that we might have – in other words, looking towards our belief system – in order to draw conclusions...to make decisions, or make judgments about new things. This is the self-talk that drives decision.
I mean, we all have that voice in our heads right? ….I know I do!
I have this voice in my head that I run circles with all the time. “yes I should”, “no, I shouldn’t”, “go for it”, “are you crazy”….. I mean it goes on and on.
Have you ever heard the phrase “he or she is being the voice of reason”? That what that is!
This self-talk….this internal dialogue is what we call reasoning.
Remember what I said before….we all have access to these Freedom Factors. We all have self-talk, we all have this dialogue….and it matters.
Now, depending on how effectively we use this Freedom Factor….this thing we call reason – or how aware we are of how it works - how effectively we can use it can make the difference between regressing in our comfort zone or moving forward to be, do and have more in our lives.
And at the risk of sounding too cliche….I just want to say….It’s an either or thing. It’s not a scale.
Right? You can't be doing both. You can’t regress and move forward at the same time.
it was Abraham Maslow said “you either step forward into comfort or you WILL step backwards into safety”.
Notice he didn’t mention that there was another choice here, did he? He didnt mention any compromise or middle ground. “He said you will either step forward into growth OR backward into safety.”
Why? Well, because life’s not gonna stop turning because we want to wait for our conditions to get better….and I’m not trying to be difficult here or judgmental here….
...but I know someone listening needs to here this….or maybe needs it reinforced...maybe it’s you...and I don’t want to cheat you out of hearing this...
Opportunities don’t just wait around until things are just right. The world moves on...it changes...constantly….and so by definition, if you don’t move forward – you WILL get left behind.
There IS NO NEUTRAL!
My mother, god bless her sole has been retired for about 20 years now. Now my mother is a proud Irishwoman. Sharp as a tack – she spent much of her career as an emergency room nurse. Always thinking, always progressing throughout her career.
Now in the latter stage of her life she has battled cancer twice, gone through shoulder replacement surgery twice, knee surgery, and has had more than her share of other medical issues and procedures.
I am happy to say she is still with us and still rocking, but as you can imaging much of her energy is spent on living a quality life and less on personal growth and development, right? Time to relax right? Time to be comfortable.
But you know what bothers her the most? She has fallen behind in many other ways. When it comes to technology or happenings in the medical field – she is behind. As she was focusing on rest and on her health – and quite honestly – survival - The world kept turning.
Now don’t get me wrong, she’s happy because she’s retired…. and now she’s enjoying the fruits of her fight and of her years of growth. It is her time to relax and enjoy her family – and she does exactly that.
But Maslow is right. We either step forward into growth, or backwards into safety...into comfort.
And if you are listening to this call, the chances are you are not ready yet to move backwards – you listening to this podcast NOT because you’re ready to start letting yourself go. You’re listening because you want to grow!
But whether you move forward or backwards depends in large part on this “thing” called reasoning.
So again, we have this this conscious mind (thinking mind) that accepts or rejects ideas and we also have the other-than-conscious (non-thinking) mind that just accepts ideas that are impressed upon it….these ideas then make up our belief system.
And here’s the rub….here is the gold mine. All of our behavior and activities are dictated by our non-thinking, automatic mind, other than conscious mind…..where our belief system lives.
And so the question becomes….. Well, how do things get there, right? How do things (ideas) get impressed upon our non-thinking, other-than-conscious mind?
Well it happens in on-of-two ways….
Repetition or a Big Event
I have a friend who was once attacked by a dog when she was young. She experienced some pretty bad injuries to her arm and one of her legs. AS you can imagine, that was an intense emotional event. It made a significant impression on her.
Well, to this day when she encounters a dog, her other-than-conscious mind kicks in and she panics a bit. The fear of dogs has been impressed upon her other than conscious mind. She doesn’t think about it….she doesn’t analyze it when a dog approaches….its automatic.
So we can have ideas impressed upon us through these emotional events.
We can also accept ideas through repetition. In other words, we hear, feel, see, smell or touch something again and again over time unitl it get impressed upon our other-than-conscious mind.
I remember when I was young, one of my favorite relatives – uncle earnie was his name – I remember he gave me a watch. And I was young – maybe 10 or 11, so I never really wore a watch before – I never needed to.
You know back then when we were at that age, the only time you really needed to worry about was dinner time! Haha. But he gave me this watch and he strapped in on my right hand. So of course every day after that, whenever I put that watch on, I put it on my right hand – every time….again and again…. on my right hand.
Well, I found out later on in life that if you are right handed – and I am right handed – that you are “supposed” to wear on your left hand……………….. Well, still to this day I wear my watch on my right hand. It’s been programmed into my other than conscious mind – I don’t even think about it – I just put it on my right hand. When it comes to putting on my watch in the morning – I am on autopilot.
So..Think of all the things we do without giving any thought to it. We avoid touching a hot stove, we look both ways before crossing the street, we tie our shoes. As smart as we like to think we are these are not our own ideas!
Everything we do or believe without intentional consideration has been programmed in one way or another.
Let me ask you, the day you were born, what did you believe? We’re you liberal? Were you conservative? Were you catholic? Budhist? Were you confident? Humble? Did you have a good self-image? Poor self-image? No!
These images, ideas, beliefs….. They were given to you – in many cases they were not as much of a gift as a burden – not always wings….but anchors….but they were given to you!
And so as we go through life, we do and think so many things automatically, because they are part of our conditioning….we’re on autopilot.
And listen, don’t take my word for it. You know...I always say I try to speak to the optimistic skeptic. Some people already understand what I’m saying and just like to gain further insight...some people don’t buy into what I’m saying and never will. And some aren’t sure...they need to hear more before they buy in….if that’s you….stick with me here.
Remember, you don’t have to believe for it to be true. The laws, these Freedom Factors impact your life whether you believe it or not….by law. You know...you don’t have to believe in the law of gravity for it to be true...for it to be a law that plays a part in your life everyday.
But I’ll tell you this...life becomes a lot easier when you know and understanding it! But the universe doesn’t care if you believe it or not….it just does what it does. It’s impersonal. It doesn’t care.
What I would encourage you to do is conduct a little experiment on your own. Take a look around.
Actively listen to what people are saying. Look at what people are doing. Look at what people are writing, liking and sharing on social media. And see for yourself!
How much thought is given to any of that activity. The majority of people in this world simply walk around on autopilot 90% of the time.
So many people are not really living… they are just responding….reacting.
They are just responding to what the world puts right in front of them according to their existing beliefs and ideas.
In many ways, we are just letting our other than conscious mind run our lives.
Carl Jung, was a famous phsychiatrist. He was also the founder of what we now call analytical psychology.
Carl Jung said,
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
He’s saying here that until we acknowledge and understand the things we believe and do without thought…..those things will direct our lives….and we will continue to chalk it up to bad luck, fate, circumstance, draw of the cards...you name it.
And when new ideas, new opportunities, new perspectives ARE presented to us….hang with me here…..
The reason Carl Jung’s words are so important here is because when new ideas are presented to us, the vast majority of the time we reject them instantly (instantly!) when they are not in line with our current thoughts, our current feelings, our current beliefs – and we do so without even thinking about it.
And here’s the thing….it doesn’t matter
If it’s true or not
If it will work or not
If it is what we really need or not
If it is the key to having the life we want
If there is evidence along with it or not…
It doesn’t matter…..if it’s not in alignment with (or in harmony with) our current belief system...we move immediately to reject it.
I mean think about it - the world was thought to be flat for hundreds of years! Right? And nobody wanted to hear anything different.
So it’s about intention. It’s about intentionally making the unconscious conscious. It’s about turning off the autopilot.
It’s about bringing INTENTION to your reasoning.
Remember is that internal dialogue....self-talk.
What we’re talking about here is separating yourself and being an eavesdropper to that inner dialogue, and recognizing when your other-than-conscious mind is dishing out bad feedback….. and then stepping in.
We need to make the unconscious conscious! That is effective reasoning.
And I think we really do ourselves a disservice when we talk about “reasoning” in a nonchalant way...without understanding what we are really saying.
You know, we hear people say things like:
“sure, that’s a nice thought….but is it reasonable?”
“you can do whatever you set out to do…. Within reason?”
So here me out here….this is fun….and it was soooooo eyeopening for me…
So reasoning is comparing your current belief system with future potential. It’s self talk based on your existing beliefs...your history.
So if we replace “but it is reasonable” or “within reason” with the actual definition of reasoning…..listen to what that sounds like… “Sure, that’s a nice thought….but how does that compare with your history?”
“You can do whatever you set out to do….as long as it fits your current belief system.”
See! It makes no sense when we step back and look at it that way!!
Think of the last time someone asked you if a price of something is reasonable? What did that really mean?
You know, I often coach entrepreneurs, and one of the questions I am often asked is if what they are charging is reasonable.
Not too long ago, I was approached by another executive coach who asked me what they should charge for executive coaching sessions. And the thing is – I can never really answer that question!
What is reasonable to me is different than what is reasonable to anyone else.
Because reason is comparing a new idea to an existing belief system. People charge what they believe they are worth. What I believe I’m worth and what others believe they are worth can be two different things based upon our existing belief system. So what is reasonable?
So we often find ourselves with conflicting thoughts ideas, and beliefs….and so we reason.
You know, as we become adults, the belief system that we have developed is so full of limitations and caution that by the time we realize that we want to be, do and have more…we find ourselves in a mental wrestling match with our OWN dreams and goals. I mean think about that….we fight ourselves!
Our inner voice (our reasoning voice) says “wait a minute”……that doesn’t match with my current ideas, feelings and beliefs….
And we start regurgitating all the programming in our heads….we engage in ineffective reasoning. Remember I said at the beginning of this discussion. We all have access to the Freedom Factors in unlimited quality. We all use them every day. It is a matter of how...and how effective we use them….and we typically engage in ineffective reasoning.
And I know you have heard this self-talk….its that voice that says….
Well…..a penny saved is a “……..penny earned”.
“A bird in the hand beats …….. two in a bush”.
“easier said than……done”.
“you’re from a small town…..nobody from around here does that”.
“you can’t get ahead without a college degree”
“You have to have money to ………. Make money”
“The government is holding us back”
hahaha, (sigh). I mean look at what get’s dumped on us over the years.
The truth is….We don’t need to learn more for growth, we need to UNLEARN.
We need to lose the garbage that has been dumped into our heads over the years by people along the way.
“you’re too stupid”,
“you’re too fat”,
“you’re too skinny”,
“you’re to short”….ugh.
I mean...that stuff sticks with your belief system...
And if that is not enough, if that becomes part of our belief system….the voice “of reasoning” in our head begins to start stacking all the evidence to try to support it. Because hey, we remember everything. We remember everything.
And so our voice that has been stacking up evidence against the need change for decades starts letting loose:
“you tried that before….. remember what happened?”
“you are not a morning person…. You can’t workout then”
“you have never tried that before…are you kidding. Stay in your lane!”
“these are your friends, you can’t be a manager now.. remember when dave tried that…. you saw how that worked out.”
“Nobody in your family has succeeded, you have no chance”
“You screwed up your entire life to this point, you think your can do different now?
And so what do we do?
We listen to those things that are aligned with our current conditioning and beliefs. Why? Because it’s comfortable!
This is what we call the comfort zone. When we accept ideas that are in line with our current thoughts, that are in line with our current conditioning and beliefs, that are in line with our current emotions, that are in line with our current results – everything is in line….it’s comfortable.
I am telling you – on of my mentors Paul Martinelli said it best….this comfort is where dreams and goals go to die! It’s where dreams and goals go to die.
Listen, everything you want…..everything is on the other side of the comfort, the other side of doubt and fear….on the other side of ineffective reasoning.
Stay with me here…. everything you want is on the other side of doubt and fear. If it wasn’t you would not want it – you would already have it.
I mean, how many clients never got signed, programs never created, courses never developed, initiatives never completed, relationships never established, dates never went on, trips never taken, houses never bought, projects never started, promotions never won, business started or saved, lives not saved or sales not closed – just because we “reasoned” our way into safety rather than growth????
Think about that! How many dreams have died because we discarded an idea we were reasoning with.
See, when a new idea that breaks up the alignment of the comfort zone – it creates inner conflict...it’s like the battle of Normandy in your mind!
This internal battle we now know is you “reasoning” because you can’t hold two directly competing beliefs at the same time – life is a battle of territory. Not physical territory….but mental territory.
Part of you wants to grow and another part of you wants to protect you from failure.
And since failure is a requirement for growth – we have competing ideas...we have conflict.
And we reason our way out of growth and we don’t even know it...we don’t realize it….we don’t make it conscious and “real” we don’t realize it.
We use this powerful freedom factor of REASON to our own disadvantage.
We take this new idea of success and we compare it to our existing belief system of contentment, mediocrity, status quo or failure…. And we reject it - we try to stay still.
But in reality we choose to step BACK into safety instead of forward into growth. Remember – there is no neutral, there is no “stay still”. There is no neutral.
Now...please, don’t get me wrong...I’m not saying we should all go start acting all crazy...and acting irresponsible. I’m not saying that at all.
And I am not saying that we should not use reason – I am saying that we have to use reason in an effective way – with an awareness. With intention.
And that’s really the key takeaway from this episode.
Ands so before I end this episode, and again...if you got ANY value from it, please rate it and share it…..but before I go..I want to make sure I leave you with some things to make your reasoning more effective...more intentional.
Know it’s normal. We ALL have this going on in our head. It’s totally normal. Its how we deal with it. So don’t beat yourself up over inner conflict, doubt or fear. All that is a price to play the game.
Name your inner voice. And this may sound a bit off..but it works...Like I said before we need to eavesdrop on the self talk…..so I separate from it. One way to separate yourself from your self-talk is to ...give that voice a name...as if it’s a person. You can call your voice “Dennis the doubter” or “Stacy the Scrooge”. Recognize when this person starts talking….and put him or her on a stage as you sit in the audience. Make that person audition for room in your mind. Question the person vigorously before just taking her word for it that you can’t do something.
Change your goals…..and no, I don’t mean make them smaller….I mean make them bigger. One of the reasons we allow our reasoning to get in the way of us achieving our goals is that the goal wasn’t big enough.
The biggest obstacle in goal achievement is not in the act of accomplishing the goal, but in the creation of the goal itself.
When we set goals that are small, we can be easily thrown off the trail, out of focus, because we are losing very little. Your goal has to be worth the fight.
Make it worth it.