#108 - Why YOU Are The Best Coach Around
Updated: Jan 10
UGLY BUSINESS PODCAST EPISODE 108
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Hey there! It is good to have you here. Thanks for joining me today. I appreciate you... so a funny story this week actually. This week, my boys... I have two teenage boys....and we were hanging out and we were talking about basketball as we often do. We're a basketball family, so I am a LA Lakers fan. My son Cullen is a Miami Heat fan, and my son Mason, he likes the Golden State Warriors, and so we all have different basketball teams, so anytime in our household you may walk in and you may find us having a big debate about basketball....and so this past weekend was no different.
We were having this debate about basketball and then, every once in a while, my boys will trick me into playing one-on-one basketball!
So the other week we were playing basketball and, now, they're getting to the point where both of them can now beat me at basketball. I think we watch our kids grow up, and there's these turning points where things just... There's just that slap in the face where you know that things just aren't the way that they used to be, and so this was definitely one of them.... when I can't beat my boys at basketball anymore.
So they were talking their typical smack and telling me how, by the end of summer, they're going to be able to dunk a basketball over top of me and all this stuff...... and yada, yada, yada, yada, so they came up with this challenge, and so I ended up betting them that they couldn't dunk a basketball by the end of this summer.
Now, the bet was, if they could dunk a basketball by the end of this summer, I would buy whoever could do it an iPhone. Now, the iPhone isn't for really dunking a basketball. It's for them setting out a goal that I know is going to be a real challenge for them and accomplishing it, and so, deep down, I don't think, I didn't think that they were going to actually be able to accomplish it, so I made the bet something big so they would work at it and continue to strive for it, so I didn't have any problem betting this iPhone for them.
Now, my son Cullen was very excited. He's a jumper. He's got the hops. He's really quick, and he can jump pretty high for his age and so he was very excited, and so, every day since then, he's been working out, but my son, Mason, he's more the strength kid right now. He's really strong. He goes to the gym. He lifts weights, and he's got more of the size. Now, I don't want to label anyone because, let's face it, they're teenagers, and that's fluid - as they go through their changes, things change... so I don't want to label my kids at this point. I think it's a little bit too premature for that, but, right now, as it stands today, Cullen is the jumper and Mason is the strength, the strength kid, and so my son Mason was looking at me and started talking to me and he said, "Dad, that's really not fair."
He's like, "Dad...." He's like, "Dad, that isn't fair!" So Cullen is happy and Mason is not too happy, and so I started talking to him about it, and I'm like, "What's the problem?" and he says, "I have more ground to make up to reach that goal than Cullen does. Cullen doesn't have to gain that much ground to be able to dunk a basketball. I have to do so much more than he does. It's not fair."
He was just looking at the difference in the work required to get the same phone. He's looking at the inputs to get the same outputs. He was like, "Dad, It's not fair," and I started thinking. I'm a fair person, and I started thinking, "Is that really unfair?" and I think that it was. It was unfair. The inputs didn't match the output. The output was going to be the same, an iPhone. The inputs for the two boys were way different, so we do this thing when we're deciding what's fair and we look at inputs and outputs.
Now, in the case of what we do at home, I can change the rules, and so I did, and we came up with something that was way more fair and way more fun, and that's for a whole other podcast, but we switched it up a little bit. We made it more about progress and how many times you go and get exercise and work out and stuff like that, but I thought the mindset there was interesting, and I started thinking.
I really started thinking, and this is how big of a dork I am. I can't help myself. I look at these situations and I just think, "How does that relate to what you guys are doing and what we do as entrepreneurs and all of that?" and so I started thinking. I thought, "That's interesting."
I started thinking of that in the context of growing a coaching business and growth. In our personal life, we can recognize things when the situation plays out. We know when things are fair and when things aren't fair, and when we see things that are fair and when they're not... and, listen, we can point them out pretty quick, can't we? I mean, we can see when things are fair and when they're not and, how at this point, half of the time when they're not fair, we don't even say anything because we've been conditioned from a very young age and more and more as we get older to just move on because life isn't what? Right, life isn't fair, and even then, if we look past our personal life, I think for those of you who have been employees, which is most of you, we saw this when we were employees with our co-workers and colleagues and things like that.
When we're employees, we perceive these imbalances between inputs and outputs. We see them in our team members and our colleagues and other employees. I mean, you've all heard of the horror stories or witnessed the horror stories. Hopefully, you weren't part of the horror stories, but we always hear about person X doing more than person Z, who in reality is doing more work. We've all heard those stories. I know. I've heard tons of those stories.
I remember, even when I was in the military, I was in the Marine Corps back in the early '90s, and I remember being on this ship out in the Atlantic Ocean, and we were on a ship on our way to... I believe it was Puerto Rico at the time, and one of the people in our platoon was very, very good at being in the right place at the right. Whenever our CO would come around, our Commanding Officer would come around, he all of a sudden wouldn't be there. Whenever they were looking for people to volunteer to do some work around the ship, all of a sudden, this individual wasn't there. He was just great at not being in eyeshot when that happened, and people would get so frustrated because everyone else was doing all the work and the outputs were all the same.
You've seen this at work, and I've seen it in training programs I've delivered, and it's nothing new to anybody. And a lot of times it's just perception. I mean, isn't it? A lot of times, it's just perception. I mean, everything just isn't the way that it seems, but, like they say, perception is a reality, but... and stick with me here. In entrepreneurship, it's different, and it has different effects. In the entrepreneurial world, it's all perception. That's all it is is perception. I mean, we look at other coaches and consultants and we think, "How in the world did that person get those results?"
Without saying any name, we all know that there's coaches that you know aren't good coaches or you feel aren't good coaches, but they are making a killing, and you just think to yourself, "How in the world are they doing it?" .... it's just perception because we don't know these people most of the time. It's just perception, but we think, "How in the world is this happening?"
.....but here's the point I want to make today.....
Something really significant happens when we do that....and one of the reasons I've been slow, for instance, on Instagram......
(I'm slow getting on this Instagram bus). Now, I'm on it and I'm making the most of it, and actually things are getting a little bit better... and here's a cheap plug. If you want to follow me in Instagram, at https://www.instagram.com/kevinshabaarsmith/. ...There's my cheap Instagram plug,
......but one of the reasons I was so slow getting on the Instagram bus, and they're really starting to address this with how the likes and stuff like that work, so kudos to them....but it's this comparison thing.
When you're just looking at pictures of people, pictures of people, pictures of people, and nobody's posting pictures of... what they look like when they just got done recording a podcast for an hour and forgot to hit the record button. No one's taking a picture of someone's face when they're doing that. They're only taking a picture of people when they're at their best, and, for a long time, it was just vanity, vanity, vanity, vanity, vanity and very little substance. So I was slow getting on the Instagram bus because of this comparison thing.
And when we do that, something significant happens, and we have to pay attention to what our beliefs and our perceived inputs and outputs are without comparison, because it's really easy to compare, isn't it? It's really easy to compare.
Now, stick with me because, if we look closely, I mean, closely in this context, in the context of entrepreneurship, and in the context of building a coaching business, there's basically four kinds of what I call investors.
And I don't mean literal investors. I mean effort investors.
There's typically four kinds.
The first kind is the person who invests nothing, but they expect everything. They invest nothing and they expect everything. These are the folks that just expect everything to be handed to them. They don't do the work. They feel entitled. They don't really work for anything and they just wonder why, why don't they have more in life? We all know one or more of these people.
Then there's the people who also invest nothing, but they expect nothing, and they're harmless. I can think of five people off my head, some I went to high school with, some I've met since, but they're the folks that put forth very little effort, and they couldn't care less. They don't expect anything. They just accept their lot in life and they just live. They invest nothing. They expect nothing.
We also have the people that invest a little bit, but they expect a lotd The kind that just dabble in something and expect magical results, they don't really put any real spirit behind what they're doing, and so they're never quite there. They're never quite satisfied. They never really turn that corner.
I was just listening moments ago to Rachel Miller, who is an awesome, awesome, awesome... but she specializes in helping people build their audience around Facebook, and I was listening to her talk on a friend Facebook platform, and she was talking about how she helped this person grow her audience up to 70,000 members very quick. I mean, It happened relatively fast, not overnight, but she went through Rachel's program and she boosted her audience up to 70,000 people, and, at the end of it this person was upset because she had 70,000 people, but she didn't do the work to sell her program...and s0 nobody ever bought from her....but it wasn't because of the audience...she just assumed and expected the rest would just happen on its own.it was simply because that person didn't do the work on the backend.
And then there's people that invest a lot and they create a lot, and notice I didn't say they invest lot and expect a lot. They invest a lot and create a lot. These are the people that are fulfilled. They put in the work and they don't really expect this kind of transactional. They create it.
The success that they want isn't from trade, it's from creation. They're fulfilled because they know their efforts are an expression of themselves that's eventually going to bear fruit not because they feel as though they earned it, but because they've created it. It's not transactional, and they know they're responsible for the creation of their lot in life.
We work our way through these different levels of investment, and, hopefully, if you're listening to my voice right now, you are that creator-investor or at least doing your best to work your way up there.
What happens next after is we start comparing ourselves to other investors. We look around, and, everyone we see, we look and wonder how they got what they got and how much do they have and how much do we have and how much work does it look like they're doing it, and we have to be really, really careful.
I mean, let me say this. If this is you, and it likely it is at some point because it happens to everybody, it happens to me and, I'm sure, it happens to you, we're only human, the key is you got to be aware not only that you're getting caught in this comparison trap, but how it affects you. How does it affect you? See... and this is really the key to what I want to... Let me bring this back around because this is what I'm trying to convey today, and I think that this is maybe what you might not see or what most people may not see, and it's that comparison is the sequence that happens. It's a sequence of events, and if we can control that sequence of events, then we can control the results, but, make no mistake, it's a sequence. Stick with me here. It's a sequence.
See, what happens first is people hold a belief. They develop and they hold a belief about their own inputs and outputs. Somewhere in your mind right now, you have this idea of the amount of work you put in and you have an idea of the amount of output you're pulling back, you're getting in return. Now, that may or may not be accurate, but you have an idea. You have an idea. See, There's this problem with humans. There's a whole bunch of problems with humans, but one of the biggest problem with humans is that we tend to think that, because we believe something, that it's true.
I'm going to say that again. One of the problems with humans is we tend to think that, because we believe something, it's true, and so we have to be careful, but we do. We hold beliefs about our own inputs and outputs. They may or may not be true, but we hold those beliefs, and what do we do that then? Then we try to find a reference. We try to find others to reference against. See, without a reference, we can't feel our worth, we can't measure our work.
In reality, everything is relative. It's one of the universal laws, but our self-image doesn't like that. There is really no such thing as good or bad. Everything is relative. Big, small, rich, poor, everything is relative, but our self-image does not like that. Our self-belief system doesn't like that. Our BS doesn't like that. Our belief system doesn't like that. We need to know how we stack up against our reference and assign a label.
We need to know how we stack up, so we fight against this law so we can put a label on our efforts, and we look for other references and then we move to the next step in the sequence, and the next step in the sequence is to form beliefs about the inputs and outputs of others.
Once we find that reference person, then we got to go into this analysis mode of their outputs and inputs. We have to build the story in our head about their work and what they're getting in return. We analyze their inputs and their outputs, but here's the thing, since we're coaches and coaching entrepreneurs, we really don't know, do we? We really don't know what their inputs and outputs are, so we just have to operate by perception, so we presume or maybe we assume. We make assumptions about the inputs of whoever it is that we're referencing against. After all, if we don't do this analysis, then we can't take the step further down this rabbit hole, this tunnel of comparison and do the actual comparing, because that's the next step.
Once we find that reference, we have to do the comparison. This is what I'm putting in and getting out. This is what so-and-so is putting in and getting out. Oh, my God, they're getting away with this. I can't believe it, or we look at ourselves and we're like, "Oh, I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough," because we seek a balance.
Perceived inequity motivates people to restore equity, so, when we see someone else who seems to be getting more out of what they're doing that's equal to what we're doing, we have to badmouth them to bring their outputs down. Maybe we sabotage them to lower their outputs or maybe, in our minds, we look at their inputs as being higher than what they really are, who knows, but, mentally, we play these games with ourselves. If we see as though we're making an overpayment, maybe we're getting more than other people are who are doing the same work, oh, my goodness, what do we do? What do we do? This is the final stage in this sequence. We have to take action.
Let me wrap our collective heads around this for us. We hold the beliefs about ourselves. We compare. We look for a reference of other people. We compare ourselves to those other people. After we formed beliefs about their inputs and outputs, we have to make adjustments because we have to find a balance. We have to find some type of equality, and so we do something. We change our behavior in one way or the other. If there's an overpayment, we feel guilty and we act accordingly. If there's an underpayment, in other words, my ratio is less than other people, I don't feel as though I'm doing enough. We get frustrated, and we look around and we try to find, oh, my God, what are we doing wrong?
See, whenever we see an inequity, an unbalance, a difference in our ratio of inputs and outputs to someone else's ratio and inputs and outputs, human nature says that we have to make an adjustment, and the problem is what we saw isn't really reality, so we're changing our behavior and the way that we operate based on something that isn't true, based on something that isn't true, and so we really have to be aware of this. I don't want you to fall into this trap because it's so easy. We all do it from time to time. Comparisons either make you superior or comparisons make you inferior because our mindset will draw a distinction one way or the other if we're not aware, if we're not aware, and neither of those, being inferior or superior, neither one are productive or useful in any way whatsoever, and so I just want to leave you with this.
I want to leave you with this, and I hope, I don't know, I don't know if this was for you. I don't know if it's someone else you know, but feel free to share this with someone who you think can benefit from this. Maybe you've talked to someone recently who just doesn't think that they're getting where they need to be because they see other people doing X, Y, and Z, but share this if someone else needs to hear it because I know that somebody does, and I just felt the need to come on today and talk about it, and if it's you, that you're looking around and you're seeing other people succeed and you feel like you're working your tail off and you're just not getting the results that you see other people are getting, then I want you to do something.
I want you to first remember that you just don't know about other people's inputs nor their outputs. I want you to remind yourself that it's an assumption, and I want you to remind yourself of the investor you are and just keep becoming that investor that invests a lot and creates a lot, and you will get wherever you want to go. You'll be the person that I'd tell other people not to compare themselves to it, and the final thing I want to say is this, and this is probably the most important. You are the absolute best at what you do and how you do it, and I mean that. I mean it 100%. You are the absolute best at what you do and how you do it. The reason I know that is because nobody does it like you do it. There's only one of you. You are unique. Nobody does it like you do.
I hear from other people all the time who complain because people steal their IP, people steal their content, people steal [inaudible 00:27:57] from their website site. I hear all of that, and it does suck when people steal, when people steal your stuff, but, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. The people who steal it are going to fall flat on their face. The reason why they're going to fall flat on their face is because they can't do it like you do it and that was yours. You are the best at what you do and how you do it.
I am the best at what I do and how I do it. Nobody teaches coaches how to build a coaching business like I do, better than I do. Nobody does what you do the way you do it, better than you do it, so I want you to remember that. The next time you catch yourself comparing to somebody... and we all do it, again, I put myself in no different place, but next time you find yourself comparing yourself to somebody else, remember that you are the absolute best at what you do the way you do it. The only person that you should ever compare yourself to? Are you ready? The only person that you should ever compare yourself to is the you that you were yesterday, so, with all that being said, I hope that this resonated with you. I hope that maybe, you, you needed to hear this today.
I would love it. I would love it if you would do me a big favor and share this. Comment on it. Give me a like, subscribe. Do whatever you have to do, but help me help more people help clients, because that's my goal. In the meantime, I will see you all very, very soon. Take care and have a great week, everybody. I'll see you later.